The Basics of Internal Family Systems Therapy

Internal Family Systems is a holistic therapy model that works with what inherently comes naturally to many of us: understanding ourselves in parts. 

You know, when you say something like “There’s a part of me that feels this way, but another part of me that feels differently”?

That’s an example of thinking in parts of self. 

Parts of Self

In IFS, there are two types of parts:

1. Parts that hold your pain, known as protectors

2. Parts that protect you from your pain, known as exiles

Protector parts include perfectionism, people-pleasing, anxiety, and disassociation. 

Exiled parts are typically younger parts of yourself stuck in the time of the pain. They are pushed away by the protector parts, frequently resulting in suppressed feelings.

The more pain, trauma, and stress we experience, the more extreme these parts can become.

For example, a part of you that really strives for connection may resort to people-pleasing because that connection was not guaranteed when you were younger. 

As a result, the exiled part remains hidden, and its feelings of abandonment and rejection stay stuck.

Both parts do not prefer to be in these roles, but feel as they have to in order to survive.

C0re Self

The Self resides in every single person and it cannot be destroyed, only temporarily obstructed. 

Some call it your soul, wise mind, observing mind, or even your divinity. 

This is the true essence of who you are. 

The core Self is characterized by the 8 C’s:

• compassion

• curiosity

• courage

• creativity

• confidence

• calmness

• clarity

• connectedness

The Goals of Internal Family Systems Therapy

There are four main goals of the IFS therapy, which are to:

• harmonize the internal system

• strengthen and empower your core Self

• maintain self-leadership

• return parts to preferred roles

This is typically done by building the relationship between your Self and your parts. 

When you do so, your parts that are used to being ridiculed and rejected can suddenly experience love, compassion, and curiosity, sometimes resulting in almost immediate transformations.

Tips to Strengthen your Core Self

Try these 3 quick exercises:

1. Experience awe. Go out in nature or look at your favorite art. What does that feel like in your body? This is you experiencing Self-energy.

2. Meditate. Notice your thoughts that come and go. Recognize that you are NOT your thoughts. You are observing your thoughts. That is your core Self.

3. Imagine caring for a good friend when they are in distress. What do you say to them? How do you behave? Now try doing this for yourself. What does it feel like to offer yourself compassion?

“The more we can connect with our true self, the more we can find peace, joy, and fulfillment in life.” - Richard Schwartz, IFS Founder